4 words: hood of his car
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
