I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
