i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize