Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
