Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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