The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
