When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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