he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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