put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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