I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize