I hate all girls vehemently.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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