More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
