apparently the secret to your success is patron
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
