He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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