You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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