I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
