He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
