She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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