Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
