i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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