you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think I sprained my soul last night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
