Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
