I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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