I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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