If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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