hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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