If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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