I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
