I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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