to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
