I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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