I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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