I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think my vagina is haunted
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
