At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
