you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
