We won't sleep together?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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