dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
