I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
