You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
