so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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