I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize