my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
