I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
