I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
