There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
