she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just had sex on a roof
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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