as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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