I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
