Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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