Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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