Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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