Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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