i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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