my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize