you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
