I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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