Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
