new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
