You're my little dorito
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
