Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
