Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I want to have your abortion
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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