How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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