So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need to calm my uterus...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
