The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
