dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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