I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
