but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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